20 years later and not much has changed. Every day young women repeat words full of self-loathing and acceptance in a bid to make sense of the violence they experience.
40% of women have experienced violence since the age of 15. Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of preventable death for girls aged 15 to women aged 44.
As a society, we should be asking, “How did this happen?”. Men everywhere should be gathering and asking, “What are we doing wrong?”. But instead, it’s the women. The girls. The survivors, still asking the same wrong question I did for over 20 years, “What did I do wrong?”.
I was the victim of a violent group assault in 1992 that made national headlines. I am also a survivor of childhood domestic violence, and intimate partner violence in my early relationships.
In 2013 I won a scholarship with the Layne Beachley Foundation because I had an idea: what if instead of feeling embarrassed and ashamed of my personal story of domestic violence and ‘poor choices’ as a young woman, I owned it? What if I could take my feminine perspective and 20 years of specialist self-defence training and create something that would end the cycle of violence?
With that resolve, I founded the KYUP! Project in 2013 with a series of self-worth and self-defence workshops.
I teach mostly girls and women practical life skills which I believe are as valuable as learning to drive and water safety. Empowering young people, especially young girls to deal with a situation that doesn’t feel right, to know how to act, to shout out for themselves and each other is raising up an army of young people who refuse to stand by and do nothing.
My attention is also on boys and men in a hope to inspire them to the same resolve.
WHAT IS KYUP! PROJECT, AND WHY WAS IT CREATED?
By the time a girl starts high school she will know how to swim between the flags, protect her skin from the sun and even dress a snake bite, but what about when a situation doesn’t feel right?
Pronounced KEY-UP and named after a martial arts power shout, KYUP! was founded in 2013 in response to a wave of child on child assaults and alarming reports of family and intimate violence. KYUP! goes beyond good intentions and awareness campaigns into strong hearted action.
From Australia’s biggest cities to the most remote Indigenous communities, our all female team of passionate black belts have delivered violence prevention workshops and keynotes to more than 10,000 Aussies in schools, universities, domestic violence shelters, community groups and corporate since 2013.
KEYUP! Project tackles the big uncomfortable issues surrounding:
- self-worth and self-protection
- domestic and family violence
- bullying / cyber and workplace bullying
- ethical bystanding
- gender equality
- consent
Our programs are for everyone, no matter your culture, size, age, fitness or ability.
We deliver practical tools, techniques, scripts and strategies to cope with past and present violence and everyday situations that don’t feel right.
WHAT ARE SOME UNIQUE ASPECTS OF KYUP AND IT’S PROGRAMMING?
More than teaching girls and women how to fight off potential attackers, our programs and workshops inspire girls and women to speak up for themselves and just as importantly, each other.
Our black belt female instructors coach girls with practical tools and scripts to say what they mean and mean what they say.
We believe every girl has the right to grow up free from violence and every boy plays a part in making that a reality. I accept the challenge as a real life role model who has experienced violence first hand to help young women claim their right to be safe, believe in their own strength, and truly value their emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.
I often say to my students, “You’ll fight as hard for yourself as you believe you’re worth. Make sure you know how much you’re worth.”
WITH REGARD TO THE SCHOOL WORKSHOPS, DO YOU BELIEVE THEY COULD INFLUENCE AND GUIDE YOUNG LADIES TO BECOME MORE CONFIDENT IN ENTERING MALE-DOMINATED INDUSTRIES LIKE CONSTRUCTION?
Our workshops are designed to empower girls to challenge the status quo, take up more space and raise their voices. I love the adage, girls can’t be what they can’t see!
Who delivers our message is just as important as the message itself. Strong, female role models in the community inspire girls (and boys) to rethink what they know or have experienced, especially when it comes to the rights of women and girls.
In Australia’s general workforce, women represent almost 46% of employees. However, according to the Australian Human Rights Commission, in the industries of construction, mining, and utilities, women account for only around 12%, 15%, and 23% of employees, respectively. This underrepresentation of women in these industries is not only bad for gender equality, it also undermines Australia’s economy. Recent figures suggest that increasing women’s employment rates could boost Australia’s GDP by 11%.
Studies have shown, stereotypes and bias start at school. Career decisions are reinforced with the educational choices made during school and post-secondary education.
I came across The Harvard Implicit Association Test (IAT), which has tested more than a half million people globally, has shown that more than 70 percent of test takers associated ‘male’ with science and ‘female’ with arts.
Gender stereotyping is the problem we are working to solve at school but it’s not just for programs like us and teachers to tackle, it’s great to see Quinton Anthony leading the way and asking the hard questions.
WHAT ARE THREE WORDS THAT BEST DESCRIBE KYUP?
Warrior-spirit, Compassion, Dynamic.
WHAT DOES BEING A LEADER MEAN TO YOU?
A leader disrupts the status quo and tackles the hard, uncomfortable issues no one wants to talk about.
Authenticity is the key, I deeply admire Australian of the Year, activist and advocate for survivors of sexual assault, Grace Tame. To me, Tame is an example of what true leadership, courage and conviction looks like.
DO YOU THINK WE STILL NEED TO DIFFERENTIATE BEING A LEADER VS BEING A FEMALE LEADER? WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ON THAT?
In a perfect world, equality would dictate leadership and gender wouldn’t enter the conversation. But as the world stands now, I feel strongly, our female leaders must take a stand and claim their femininity as a strength.
HOW DOES KYUP EMPOWER WOMEN TO BECOME BETTER LEADERS?
We create an environment completely outside the corporate comfort zone physically, mentally and emotionally. Women learn real life practical self-protection skills and techniques to release their voices and take up more space – literally.
By the time women leave our workshops, they are authentically connected with each other and equipped with skills to disclose personal and wellbeing issues. It’s not possible to lead in the long-term when you’re battling personal insecurities.
There is a lot of strength in every one of us to push on, and on. You don’t need to be the boss to be the leader.
THIS YEAR’S CAMPAIGN THEME IS #CHOOSETOCHALLENGE. HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO CHALLENGE THE WORLD ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS?
Gloria Steinem, world-renowned feminist, journalist and activist once said "The story of women's struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights."
Collective action and shared ownership for driving gender parity is what makes International Women's Day impactful.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ACHIEVING PAY EQUALITY AS PART OF THAT CHALLENGE IS PROGRESSING?
The latest figures from the Financy Women’s Index show the devastating economic impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic on women’s employment levels, rates of unpaid labour and superannuation levels.
Reinforcing what we already instinctively know – progress for women has gone backwards. Their latest report predicts it will now take 36 years to reach financial equality, and 26 years to resolve the gender pay gap.
THE THEME OF EQUAL PAY DAY IN 2020 WAS ‘KEEP MINDING THE GAP’ – BUT HOW CAN WE MIND THE GAP IF WE DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS?
We need more intersectional and accurate data. The Workplace Gender Equality Act 2012 needs to be broadened so we can better understand the lived experiences of women from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, migrant and refugee women, women with disabilities and LGBTIQA+ women and non-binary people.
Importantly, the Act should also reflect the changing definitions of workplaces and work, and include part-time, casual, and gig economy work within smaller or informal workplaces.
Having this data will allow us to better understand the ways in which women in all their diversity experience employment disadvantage and wage discrimination. When we understand the nuanced lived experiences of all people, we can develop adequate strategies to address these issues and shape better outcomes.
OUR AUDIENCE WOULD INCLUDE MANY PARENTS. WHAT ARE SOME WAYS THAT GIRLS CAN CHALLENGE THE WORLD EVERY DAY?
It may be small, and I say it often, but teaching girls to “say what they mean and mean what they say” over time has a significant impact on their confidence.
Of course, it means as parents we need to do the same thing, and it’s not easy. As girls and women, we fear looking like a bad person for asking for what we want. I challenge my girls at home and in schools to speak their minds at least once a day.
An example of this is, don’t ask for a favour, when you’re making a request. Favour implies she owes for something. A request can be turned down or rejected and it’s not personal. I think this is a big distinction for girls (and women too!).
AS SOMEONE WHO HAS INSIGHT INTO THE CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR ADVICE TO WOMEN IN THE INDUSTRY WHO ARE AFFECTED BY GENDER BIAS?
Coming from the martial arts community, traditionally a male dominated space. I’ve found that good men are always inclusive and interested to learn how to make the dojang a better space for everyone.
Whether it’s a dojang or a work site, look for the good guys to lobby with you.
My advice to women in the construction industry is rally together, don’t lose hope. Look for supportive organisations and individuals to help you fight back against gender bias.
On a more practical note, I’ve found success when choose my timing, outline the benefits, speak with passion and authenticity about the issues and polices I want to address.
We were very proud to implement our Domestic & Family Violence Leave Policy in 2018, ensuring all our employees were provided with 10 days of paid leave per year along access to a support package to assist them during a difficult time.
HOW COMMON ARE THESE POLICIES AND HOW SHOULD WORKPLACES WORK TO BEST IMPLEMENT SIMILAR POLICIES?
A staggering 65% of workplaces don’t have policy and it’s not good enough given 1 in 6 women and 1 in 16 men are directly impacted by family and domestic violence.
Policy is an essential step to maintain the dignity and protect the privacy of people in crisis, it needs to be accessible, inclusive and spoken about from the top down.
When the pandemic hit and I was unable to work at schools I turned my attention to victims forced to work from home and founded Your Buddy Check an innovative traffic light compliance system delivering Awareness, Policy, Training and Tech to promote a safer workplace and protect the privacy and dignity of victims.
Your Buddy Check comprehensively assists boards and management to meet compliance obligations and improve efficiency.
Your Buddy Check is fast tracking the start-up phase with the review and launch of internal domestic violence policies for Australian Prudential Regulation Authority and the ASX in its first quarter.
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Mel Thomas is the Founder of Your Buddy Check and KYUP!. You can find her on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.